Performance Anxiety in Adult Amateur Pianists

Scenes from our September Music Party for Adults

Today was a music party day for some adult amateur musicians I know. I don't teach all of them, but we've developed a nice relationship in recent years because of these parties. I wrote about the concept of piano parties in an earlier article, and today I spent some time discussing the issue of performance anxiety with those in attendance.

It was interesting to hear some of the comments floating about as we mingled over mimosas and lobster bisque.

• "I can't believe I still get nervous at these things."
• "One day I will conquer my nerves."
• "I'm glad we keep doing these parties, because I think they will help me get used to performing."

As the only piano teacher in the group, it sometimes falls to me to reassure and encourage. Adults need to know that it is "normal" to feel uneasy and anxious about performing. It happens to all of us.

One of the men is on a mission to finally overcome his performance anxiety by performing repeatedly in any setting he can find. He has a reference point in his mind of a time when he had to give daily lectures for an entire month on a topic about which he is very knowledgable. At first these lectures were nerve-wracking, but by the time the month was over, he had become not only comfortable speaking in front of people, but sort of energized and exhilarated. He is absolutely sure that he can achieve the same degree of comfort in piano performance with enough practice.

"It is painful when I screw up, but I'm just going to keep doing this until I can master it."

Another in the group wants to increase the frequency of our piano parties. She has a similar belief that she will become more at ease in front of the group if we do this more often.

A pianist at the party who is my student had her best day yet. Today she seemed less nervous than ever before and played with expression and focus in a way that was noticeably improved over past parties.

The concept of desensitizing oneself by performing more frequently is a sound one. I know that in my case, it has certainly proven to be true that the more I play in front of others, the less nervous I am doing it.

There are other factors to consider as well. If I had a dollar for every time I heard an adult or child student say, "I played this perfectly at home. I don't know why I messed up here," I could buy a new concert grand. It surprises musicians the first few times they discover this phenomenon. So, why can we play better at home than we can in a recital or at a lesson?

• If you are a pianist, you are using a different instrument in each different setting.
• We are used to the feel of home...the books on the piano, the lamp on our left, the sound of our dogs, the view from the window, the feel of the bench, etc. All of these little things contribute to our comfort level. When you take them away, everything feels different.
• We are relaxed at home. No one is watching us.
• We don't hear ourselves breathing and feel our heart thumping itself out of our chest at home.
• We are hyper-sensitive to all sorts of stimuli when we are performing. Things that we don't notice at home become loud and obvious during a performance...a cough, a whisper, the squeak of a pedal, a creak in the floor, etc.

There is also the issue of distraction which can become worse when we are nervous.

• We allow our minds to wander as we play.
• "What are they thinking about my piece?"
• "These keys look strange. Where is middle C?"
• "I'm doing really well!"
• "This is horrible. I can't believe I did that."
• "I bet they think I'm doing great."
• "They probably wish I'd stop playing ASAP."
• We lose our place in the music. This is usually because we have not established an exact system of where to look during practice. If a piece is partially, but not fully, memorized, we might look at our hands for a while, but when we look back up at the score, we're lost! And when we get lost during a performance, it seems to take forever to find our place.
• Our hands are shaking, and we can't stop thinking about that.
• Our hands are sweating, and we start worrying that this will make us mess up.

Although I have not completely conquered performance anxiety, I have learned a few "tricks" that I can share with you. 

• Practice mindfully before your performance. In other words, keep your mind engaged in what you are doing rather than thinking about what's going on in the kitchen or what's on TV.
• Make yourself nervous during practice. There are several ways to do this:
• Make a video of your practice.
• Make an audio recording of your practice.
• Play your piece for someone over the phone.
• Get your family to be your audience for a trial performance.
• Go somewhere away from home and practice. If people can hear you, that's good.
• Notice details. When you get good at something, you might start doing it automatically without really thinking. This is not ideal when you're preparing to perform. You want to keep your mind engaged in every detail. Sometimes it helps to speak what you are doing aloud. "Left hand G-flat." "Forte for eight measures." Etc.
• Get used to your breathing. I tend to feel that my breathing is loud when I'm performing. It's not really. I'm just more aware of it when I'm nervous. So it sometimes helps to listen to yourself breathing during practice.
• Remove objects that are usually in your field of view. Take the stack of books off of the piano. Move the lamp to a different place. Take a picture off of the wall. You might be surprised at how much your peripheral vision plays into how familiar a place feels.
• Don't take anxiety medication or drink alcohol before your performance if you will be playing from memory. Both of these things will affect your ability to remember. A little glass of wine or a  weak mimosa may help you calm down a bit beforehand if you are playing from the score. One size does not fit all in this regard. The only way to really know how your performance will be impacted by anxiety medication or alcohol is through trial and error.
• Embrace your nervousness. Think of it as excitement about sharing your music. Let it help you be in the moment and fully receptive to the music you are making.
• Continually silence the thoughts that try to invade your mind during performance. As soon as you indulge the thought that you are doing a great job, you'll mess up. If you beat yourself up because you botch a note you've never missed before, you're just increasing the odds that you'll hit another clunker. You may have to silence these voices several times during your performance.
• Remind yourself to stay focused throughout your piece. A good performance is about the music, not about you, so keep your focus on what you are doing as you play. Sometimes this is just a matter of mentally saying, "Focus," a handful of times during a piece.
• An expressive performance is much better than a merely note-perfect performance. Don't put too much stock in wrong notes. Put lots of stock in playing musically and expressively.

If you would like to learn more about ways to deal with performance anxiety, you will find help in these wonderful books:

The Art of Practicing by Madeline Bruser

The Perfect Wrong Note by William Westney